another blah day…

July 22, 2008
Posted in General
July 22, 2008 Ben

another blah day…

Kind of a crappy day today… I always thought that my severe moments of depression were because I didn’t have a girlfriend or someone to spend my life with. I’m slowly starting to realize that I don’t think that’s the reason I’m feeling down. I’ve had a couple of girls hit on me on the singles sites and that should make me feel happy. It doesn’t. I think I’m just tired of the whole process of dating, dinner, or possible coupling. I guess this is usually a one day thing… some times I’ll just have these days where I feel like I really couldn’t give a crap about anything or anyone and I wish everyone would leave me alone. Maybe that’s normal? Not sure really what to do on those days other than ride it out like I always have. Still makes me wonder if girl problems aren’t what causes these feelings, what is? Is there something more deep in my life and sometimes makes me absolutely miserable? Maybe I need to join the rest of the population and just go to a doctor who will load me up with anti-depressants. Maybe I should just ignore these days and write them off as “bad days”.

All I know is that I don’t like feeling like this… I don’t like these days and quite frankly I would like to find out the reason I have them. Nothing went really wrong today. I wasn’t overly stressed. Dunno. Maybe I never will. All I do know right now is that I’m starting to get to the point where I don’t think I actually want a girlfriend or significant other. Hell, maybe I don’t want sex anymore either. My right hand seems to accomplish the goal just as well as another person can, sometimes better. Do I really want the drama and headache that has accompanied all of the relationships I’ve had in the past? Ohh well.. Me ranting again. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Going to lay here on the couch, close my eyes and pretend I don’t exist for now.

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