June 29, 2009 Ben

/sigh… I need to get away. Could I live someone else’s life for a while?

Isn’t it strange when I have the most fun when I forget about my life and just sit out on the water?

Seems I really can’t use this blog to type and vent my true feelings anymore.. Guess I’ll have to start another one where I can talk about what I’m really going through without offending or worrying anyone. Guess I could always write them in here.. I don’t think anyone actually checks these comments.

I think I’m confused on how to proceed with my life.. I don’t like where I’m at now. It’s not a happy place. It’s only bearable when I’m away from my normal routine away from my phone or any type of communication. Basically away from my life… I’ve thought of selling my business and going to college for some other career.. I wonder if that would actually make me happy or if my problems I have now would just follow me..

It’s not that I’m lonely.. I’ve had the chance to be with people and someone want to be my girlfriend, but just doesn’t seem to help. I tend to still feel the same. Don’t know what else there is I can do about this. As I sit here now it’s like all this weight holds me to my chair and prevents me from moving or doing anything. Maybe I just need a vacation. I don’t know.. all I do know is that my desire to do anything is diminishing. Maybe I do need to hit up a doctor and get happy pills, maybe that will help. I can’t think of anything else to do.. Just getting so tired.

Anyways.. going to bed now.. Maybe sleep off this mood.

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