first date tips from a guy’s perspective…

June 23, 2011
Posted in General
June 23, 2011 Ben

first date tips from a guy’s perspective…

So one of my single friends is having problems with dates and particularly the second date.. I asked her how far the first date went and she told me that she went down on him and since then he’s only called once and recently cut off what little communication there was.  I figured I would put down all my thoughts into this little article to help the vast number of single women out there.  Since there are a lot more of you than you’d like to think since most women go after a career first and a relationship second.

Age is sometimes a factor.. In this society we live in age is a pretty big deal.  Most people end up either getting married really early to Mr. or Mrs. Perfect only to realize that they aren’t so much perfect as they were perfect at the time.  All of a sudden, they’re divorced and wondering what a recently separated person is to do.  The other side of that coin is that they never got married and instead decided to further their careers or education and now is looking at the singles arena in their 30’s or 40’s.  The biggest problem with our age group (30’s and above) is that we are looked upon as being damaged or even label ourselves as “losers” because we didn’t marry like their rest of our friends.  I can say with certainty that just because someone got married when they were young doesn’t mean that they’re happy.  Some of those couples are so far from happy that happy seems like a distant memory (of course, some are perfectly content with their mates, there’s always exceptions).  You need to look at yourself in a different light.. Consider that instead of wasting your time with someone you hate and having to go through a messy divorce, that you instead are waiting for someone that fits you and know are going to be with for a good amount of time.  There’s nothing wrong with waiting.. Sometimes that person you’re waiting for is just around the corner.

My friend also told me about a date that she had and when I asked her how it ended she told me with oral sex.. Now I can understand that hormones are usually raging during a first date, but let me tell you what a guy thinks when he scores any sort of sexual action from a girl on the first date.  First is.. “hey cool. I’m getting some..” Later it turns to .. “well.. she barely knows me and I got this far with her.. I wonder who else she’s barely known and gotten this from”.  It almost immediately puts you into the ‘easy’ category.  I’m sorry, but it’s true.  The best thing you can do is make him wait.  I know I might not win any awards from guys here, but part of the thrill of dating is the chase.  Like I read on a Yahoo forum.. “you can’t exactly go back to cuddling after that”.  It’s very true!!  Don’t let him think that you’re some easy chick that will do it with anything with a pulse.  Your job as a woman is to give him a reason to call you back for a second date or even a third.  There is nothing wrong with a kiss.. It’s pretty much the standard and to be honest with you ladies a kiss can tell a man a whole bunch about your oral skills.  If you’re very tender and a great kisser then his imagination will inevitably move to more naughty thoughts.  The key here is not to act on them, but let those thoughts sink in a bit.  One final note here.. I don’t think anyone wants to be the chick from Clerks.. 37 ring a bell?  (If not, go watch Clerks 1).

While I’m at it I will go on a little bit of a tangent and tell you a couple of brief turn offs for a guy that is on a first date with a chick:

  • Get off your phone.. if you’re talking on your cell phone the whole time, it shows lack of interest (put that shit on silent)
  • Please stop texting… see my first point about interest
  • Don’t talk about your ex’s.. No one likes that.. neither guy nor girl
  • Refrain from thinking there is a lot more to this date than there really is.. There’s a good chance he won’t even call you, so don’t start thinking marriage
  • Don’t call him repeatedly.. That shows desperation, so unless he’s called you, almost best to assume there wasn’t a connection
  • Have patience.. sometimes he hasn’t called yet because he hasn’t had time
  • Don’t add him on Facebook (this is super creepy and almost stalkerish)

These are just a couple of tips.. I’m sure I could go on forever about the horrible dates I’ve had and the things that made them horrible, but for now I’ll just wrap it up with this last thing… Hang in there.  Dating can royally suck sometimes and there’s nothing more awkward than two people on a first date.  Just remember that he’s usually as nervous as you are, so try not to judge him on just the brief couple of hours you spent with him.  Telling you to relax and have a good time is almost useless because everyone is so nervous it’s hard to be yourself.  Just take things slow and try to get to know him a bit..

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