looking at old pictures..

October 27, 2011
Posted in General
October 27, 2011 Ben

looking at old pictures..

Well I got this bug up my ass that told me that it would be a good idea to upload all the pictures I have to Google so I would have an online back up of them if something ever happened to my digital copies.  It’s funny when you look back on pictures sometimes.  You can see how happy you were at a particular time and like a time traveler you know what happens to that happy version of yourself.  You know what road he or she took and how it ended.  I look back at myself with ex’s or friends and I almost want to go back and say “Yup.. live it up, it will end on this date”.  Maybe even “don’t do this… it’s not going to end well” or “shape up buddy, you’re gonna fuck up something wonderful if you keep acting like this”.  I suppose that’s the down side of being a shutterbug.  It’s very easy to slip into a mood of resenting your past and regretting decisions you made.  They also have a way of teasing you in their own way by showing you a time when you were happy, only to be reminded of the way things turned out by living in this present.  Maybe that doesn’t make much sense…

It’s kind of funny to see the look in people’s faces and realize that the face they’re staring at you with isn’t one of love and caring, but one of resentment, disappointment, or even hatred.  It just wasn’t made clear at that time, but living here in the present you know what happens.  Maybe it isn’t good to be a shutterbug… at any time you can look at your collection of photos and realize that it’s all you have of that happiness that once was.

I suppose you can always look at it in the opposite affect and know that pictures of yourself at a particular time tell the story of when you weren’t happy and things looked their most bleak.  However most people don’t take pictures of themselves when they’re sad.. The only ones I have of me are when I was happy and now I’m not, so it’s not the sad times I look back on, but the happy ones that once were and probably won’t be again.  Maybe I should just switch to taking pictures of inanimate objects that have no story to tell and express no feelings of love, hatred, remorse, longing, or any other emotion that can come back to haunt you when you’re not expecting it.

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